(HUFFINGTON POST AGGREGATE) Jan. 6, 2016 - Chicago, IL. If you were partying for New Years in Chicago's west side early last Friday morning, chances are you would have felt what seemed like a mild earthquake. The ground did shake, yes, but it was not due to irritable tectonic plate syndrome. This was a rupture entirely of its own breed. Landlord William McKraken received frantic calls from numerous tenants, one who reported that she thought the building was on the verge of collapse. She (name withheld) described an immense shuddering sensation that rattled the walls of the building and caused a number of glass collectibles of hers to fall from their shelves. "I didn't know what was happening. The building shook like mad and made the dog bark his head off. I was scared too." It was soon discovered that the cause of the fiasco was a massive rupture in the main toilet pipeline system thought to have been caused by a gigantic clog. Security footage was extracted from a camera with a malfunctioning timeclock located in the building's east basement which revealed the horror in graphic detail. Although the exact cause of the clog has yet to be officially determined, McKraken has hired a team of clog specialists to investigate the matter and they are already making some headway. "We received an explanation from a young man who says he has reason to believe that his uncle may have flushed a wool hat down the toilet," McKraken informs us. "Now I have poop in the hallways. What a great way to start the new year." The Aggregate would like to remind its readers to stay safe in 2016 and to treat the plumbing systems of others as if they were your own.
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i dont give a shit